It's been too long. Too long since I've been writing here, been reflecting, been thinking. School has been rather relentless, with endless homework and the like. I've been throwing myself into a maelstrom of papers and pens, not to mention assignments, with this unflinchingly reckless sort of attitude, immersing myself into the controlled chaos of numbers and letters. My desk is littered with papers, not the mention the floor with books and various bags. Still, and surprisingly so, I find myself to be rather at ease with the situation at hand.
And still, I've got some (more) words to say.
I've been rather uncertain of late, unsure of myself and this world at large. I've been unable to truly figure out who and what I want to be and do, and the ways of doing them. But, then again, aren't we all?
I've experienced this pressing need to address the question, for my sake and well, mine only. It's already February, when the weather starts to let up a little and the shivers don't shake, so it isn't much of a resolution, but rather, a revelation. Change as a topic has been repeated ever so often, time and again, and I feel that it's time I had one in the way I go about in daily life and the myriad things that I do. I'm going to devote myself to them, to do them well, as well as start practicing Amor Fati, loving myself to a greater degree.
Just today, I received some words from advice from a friend, ones which I felt were both resounding and much-needed. I've decided. I'm going to experiment and play around with my style, to find out, learn and understand myself as who I really am. I've lived in uncertainty for too long.
On a lighter note - breakfast.
I've just been so obsessed with barley of late (I have a cup - extra beans and all - almost daily). It's just the chewy texture that gets to me! It poses as the ideal fuel for cold mornings when all you want to do is curl up in a snug ball and go back to bed, or at least hide in the blankets with a book. This bowl of barley proves to be so filling and akin to a heater in your stomach (perhaps a little odd to envision. Don't, actually.) Still, it's naturally sweet, but some extra sweetness does no one any harm, along with some fruit of the quickly-fleeing season. Enjoy.