Here, I'm speaking with honesty. Plain, unadulterated honesty. No frilly or fancy words. Just the truth.
Lately, I've been finding myself. Trying to come to terms with who I am as a person and as a personality. It hasn't been easy, of course. There's the internal struggle, that of staying true to my values and what's asked by society. It's a challenge to remain true to myself and conform to societal norms, I've realized. What people ask of and what I want to do. I can feel the aftereffects - being creative proves to be a challenge at times now.
With the exams coming up, (and not to mention extra projects and pressing deadlines) the pressure's greater than before. It's as though I've been tossed into the ocean with no buoy or something to hold on to. I feel lost, feel frustrated, feel scared. The thought of doing poorly is a terrifying prospect. Letting others, especially my parents, down isn't an option. The what ifs in my head weigh down more deeply than ever before. What if I'm not good enough? What if I'm inadequate?
It sounds as though I'm an angsty teenager right here. Perhaps I am, perhaps not.
Growing up, I've always associated the notion of being a teenager with rebellion, with all these negative connotations given by society. (And also, doubled prices for buffets and tickets) I never truly wanted to grow up. But I'm here now - no turning back. I finally get it. It's more than what society says it is. Frankly speaking, it kinds sucks. Being wedged between adulthood and childhood, there's the expectation to be rational and mature, to be responsible. I get that, but words come easier than actions. With everything beginning to reveal their true colors, nothing seems clear in black and white any longer. People problems, personal problems, problems here, problems there. At times like these, I just don't know what I ought to do. Don't know which direction to go. I feel lost.
What I've shared above has been deeply personal and intimate. I seldom talk about personal issues, instead focusing on what I've been doing, where I've been etc. Still, I believe that with all that's happened of late, sharing is a necessity. I have friends who've been providing valuable bits of advice along the way and as much as I'd never dare to admit that to them in person, I'm incredibly grateful. But for those who have been feeling this burn, always remember, it's not just you out there. Everyone has problems, no matter how perfect their lives seem on the surface. What's depicted, especially on social media, isn't the entire picture, bear in mind. Being honest with oneself will always be a challenge, especially when the going gets tough. But you don't have to rough it out yourself. Talk to a family member, or a friend. Sharing your troubles helps. Always. And if there's no one you'd be willing to share your troubles with in person, I'm always here to offer some advice and a listening ear.
After all that's been said, I think that some comfort is needed for balance. Comfort sought in the form of warm food, especially oatmeal and figs, not to mention chocolate. It's all here. Food which soothes. Food which sweetens. The components of this dish (with the exception of chocolate) are the stuff of my childhood. (The chocolate story is for another time.) It's sweet, simple, sticky and most importantly, soothing. With all that I've shared here today, I can only hope that your burden will be lessened, through words, through food, or through both.
Fig and Milk Oatmeal
takes: 20 mins / prep time: 5 mins / cook time: 15 mins max
makes 1 x bowl of oatmeal
to be continued.