To say that this weekend was inspiring or fulfilling would hardly do it justice, nor would exhilarating be sufficient as a description.
No, it was more than that - far, far more. It was ineffable, it was empowering, the memory of it almost-ethereal. I met the venerating, think the thought-provoking, and in all, have stumbled upon some epiphanies.
Too often, we're stuck in a rut. A creative rut. With the ooey-gooey muck of this understandably notorious condition of being unable to create clinging to our limbs, hanging on tight without symptoms of letting go anytime soon. Notice that I don't say 'lack of creativity' - I think it's bullshit. I think that almost all of the 207,000 results yielded on overcoming it is. Anyone can be creative: it's all a matter of embracing and developing ideas and possibilities.
But they choose not to - unconsciously.
"Impostor syndrome can be defined as a collection of feelings of inadequacy that persist even in face of information that indicates that the opposite is true. It is experienced internally as chronic self-doubt, and feelings of intellectual fraudulence." The answer lies here. Many a time, there's this fear of creativity, new-found ideas, and in general, success.
The topic of creativity and constraint has appeared to me more often than ever in recent times. From Kinfolk (issue fifteen, page 27) to a mandarin comprehension on being cultured (优秀), it's all there. It's inescapable. But what I wish to focus on here would be the past two days.
I profess that I am no stranger to the uncertainty of Impostor Syndrome. I've been there, staring rather moodily at a screen for hours at a time and wondering "Is this good enough?", and eventually highlighting the entire section and hitting backspace. Now, I wish that I could have gone back in time and told my past self these two words: it is.
This weekend, I've decided that it'll be a thing of the past. Oh, this weekend: I discussed education and the inhibition of creativity. I attended a symposium which left me mind-blown, almost literally so. For nearly six hours (and experiencing severe butt-cramps throughout), I listened to talks revolving around the themes of inspiration, insight and integrity, and most importantly, community.
I've decided that I'm going to stay true to myself, write what I want and how I want to, emulate (but not copy) - this oft is a key reason for Impostor Syndrome - and basically, be myself. Saying this sounds easy, but doing? Hardly. Despite that, I'll try being me, and I'll give me my best shot.
* the definition of impostor syndrome has been based on this
These photos were taken on a hike somewhere along MacRitche with my dad when days were sunnier and schedules less clogged.
Also, one last thing.
I started off this week with some lovely words from Izzy on insta, met Nathan Williams from Kinfolk in between, and ended with...
Praise the Lord(e).
- to be continued -